Yes! I hope I did well! my ring finger is still numb from the glue gun. So many people I want to thank for all 4 years I was in Lasalle. I really appreciate my family, being there for me! I wanna thank...

My Dad, for helping me with the DIY projects and coming down personally to help install my art work with me. So glad I had his support. Even though it became a bit emotionally stressful for me because he was so strict with all the measurements plus the dos and don'ts...I'm happy to say it all worked out pretty well in the end. I could not have done it all alone.

My Mom, for being there for me. The times she asked how my work was going. Even though I sometimes ignore her or brushed her questions off with a shrug, I'm touched by her concern. I shall learn to be more patient with her and help her more with the ironing now that I'm done with school. She's done so much for us and I hope she'll like the flowers she's going to receive this Friday for Mother's Day. Words are never enough to express our love, respect and gratitude for her.

My eldest sister, Feng Min, for sharing her thoughts about my work and giving me a pat on my back whenever I showed her something new I'd done for school work. She was so supportive and it made a lot of difference. I miss her critic, laughter and presence immensely. She inspires me and will continue to be my inspiration wherever I go. Whatever artistic flare I got, I got it from the 3 people above and I thank them for granting them to me.

My brother, Fengjie, for contributing his thoughts on my thesis topics, not patronizing my suggestions and ideas. If I said something stupid, he'd shrug it off and if I said something worth considering, he'd agree and share his thoughts. I know whatever he says, it came out true and that's what matters the most. Eh thanks!

My twin, Faye, for being there for me all those times, setting up and dismantling my art works for assessment since Level 1. I could not have done it without her help at all. Even though she's as busy as a wondering ant, I appreciate her time for me when I needed numerous opinions and editing with my written papers. I appreciate her ferrying me and my plentiful art pieces to school at night. Her presence made a lot of difference. You keep me sane, ya?

My little sister, Fjia, for helping me with Photoshop and whatnots. I can be a complete pain in the ass when I have things that needed to be done quickly and I appreciate her patience (or the little of it she has) for my urges. Although, most of the time, it's "I help you this time you help me the next time" kind of deal (who's counting?) but I thank you for being there for me when the wondering ant wasn't around to give her take on my work. Thanks for helping me with the feedback forms and accompanying me to Bras Basah most of the time. I thank you, ya?

Mr. Premchand, for taking time out of his busy schedule to help me cut acrylic. I appreciate his time and effort and I hope he's recovering well from his cough. It was nice working with the drilling machine together and talking about school. I feel so happy he still remembers the volleyball group. I'm going to go visit him when the GESS carnival starts this month. He said to treat him to coffee from Starbucks. OKAY WILL DO.

Of course, I can never thank them enough. They’re the reasons why I’m able to accomplish so much. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

I dreamt of you a few days ago and asked how you were like all those times I asked you in my dreams and you told me you were feeling better there. I don't know how true those dreams were but I choose to believe your words. I'd ask you the lamest questions and you'd still answer them smiling. I see a lot of patience in you and how you've changed your temper. There never seem to be enough time for us to catch up. I got so excited to tell the family especially mom and dad about meeting you and talking to you that it hit me like a rock when I woke up knowing it wasn't real. Or was it? They always say "dreams are the opposite of reality", but I really doubt it. I mean, there was once when I dreamt of someone giving me a letter and it happened the next day. Even if those imaginings weren't real, I'm still thankful for the times I got to talk to you; at least it felt real while it happened. Missing you, always.

Though I'm missing you
(Although I'm missing you)
I'll find a way to get through
(I'll find a way to get through)
Living without you
'Cause you were my sister, my strength, and my pride
Only God may know why, still I will get by

I would've known, that you had to go
But so suddenly, so bad
How could it be, not a straight memory worthy of
All that we had made
Now that you're gone, every day I go on (I go on)
But life's just not the same (life's just not the same)
I'm so empty inside, and my tears I can't hide
But I'll try, I'll try to face the pain

Oh, there was so many things
That we could have shared, uh-huh
And time was on our side (time was on our side)
Ooh, yeah
Now that you're gone, I can still feel you near
So I'll smile, with every tear I cry

How sweet, were the losses to spare?
But I'll wait for the day
When I'll see you again, see you again, yeah

I'm missing you

Never drink coffee or any caffeinated drinks before bedtime. Your body can't take that much psychoactive drug.

Sometimes, there are just some people you'd like to keep and some you'd like to disregard as friends. The pushy and self-pitying ones are very, very annoying. Lately, I'm having problems with those who are just downright conceited. They're so excessively confident of their own opinion and ability when really, they're just full of shit. If you're going to preach, please, don't preach solely by your own viewpoint. I don't give a damn. Nobody should give a damn. If you're going to give me all that life-has-fucked-me-up-once-so-I-know-better-than-you, then please shut your gap. Life has not fucked you up, you fucked your own life up. I always believe that we're responsible for the choices we've made in life. This might come off as cliche but it's true. I'm not exactly proud of the choices I've made so far but I'm to blame for that. Anyway it's not like I can go up to the person and say it to their face how I feel. It's just not possible. But if I could I would say: HEY, GROW THE FUCK UP!

Yay I'm done with the first semester of my BA. Hopefully I'll be given a pass for this one. I'll have to crack my brain for a proposed plan next year. My four years in Lasalle will come to a close next May and I'm really glad that it'll be over soon. Not that I'm sick of learning but learning can't exactly bring money in for you. I always think, you can't learn much in an institution. You have to be out there getting experiences, falling down getting back up. The school is just an excuse to keep ourselves from entering the dog eat dog world for the time being. It's sort of like a place to build your basic network first. Oh well, it's time to grow out of the weekly lectures and painting classes. I will miss the time in foundation though 'cos I think I picked up more skills in foundation than when I started moving on from level one. I will miss the sculpture classes, chinese ink classes, drawing classes and graphic novel classes. They were short but it was all so sweet. I need to start planning my future.

I'm watching SG idol now and I must say, as a viewer, really, it is just so hard to listen to any more of it! I'm not going declare who now, but this girl yodels and screeches too much. I always believe that if a person can't reach a note and deliver it perfectly, they either go off tune or yodel. It's okay if you add it a little here and there but oh my god, just stop with the alpine mountain to mountain yodelling already! 

I don't know man, but it seems like a lot of them are so head over heels in love with their own voices that they're not delivering the songs to the best of their abilities and I'm not trying to insult the hosts but they really need to expand their vocabulary and stop with the gossip news among the idols because you see, we are not fucking interested! I hope I'm speaking for the other viewers as well but if you really did care then I’m sorry to say you’re miserable. 

This is what I think, Singaporeans don't care. We just don't! Our perspectives and expectations are so sensationalized by the American media that we're so used to the elite already. Yea and I really can't stand people who speak with an accent when you're so fucking Uniquely Singapore. 

Anyway, hah! This dude didn't even put his heart into singing his number. He just seemed like he wanted to end his song asap. I haven't seen anyone, choose the right song to match his or her vocal capacity. They've all either picked songs that are obviously sung by collectively first-class singers or songs that are way too polished for them. But man! I've always thought Simon Cowell as the baddest male judge but Ken has just taken the mean factor up a whole lot of notches! He is brutal and I like it =D But perhaps he should encourage the singers a little bit more.

The show hasn't ended yet so I'm just going to talk about the contestants a little bit more okay like this guy right now...I just don't get why they always want to play the damn guitar, I mean, just sing, JUST SING the goddamn song! You know, just because you've got similar voice texture to your idols doesn't mean you can plagiarize. Somebody learn from Adam Lambert please!

Okay enough, I conclude that the one to beat this year is either Tabitha Nauser or Syltra Lee.

 

So I was actually on my way to school and then I decided for Faye to drop me off at the library instead because I was feeling very lonely and felt like I had to be near home for the rest of the afternoon. I don't like the idea of having my sisters being home while I'm marching the grounds of Lasalle alone. I think I'm too attached to home, that or maybe I just don't like being in school. Ok yeah I don't like being in school.

I meant to borrow books that move along the lines of Singapore's Cultural Background but I ended up reading a few extracts of Lee Kuan Yew's beliefs on merger with Malaysia. I always find myself reading books with no relation to what I'm supposed to do for my major topic and end up with jack shit on my research topic. Like the other day while I was in NLB looking for the same subjects I did today, I ended up reading the diaries of Lieutenant General Tadamichi Kuribayashi from the book about Iwo Jima. History books have always intrigued me; I found that out when I took up History in secondary school. I even thought of myself as becoming an aspiring historian! or perhaps a paleontologist or paleobotanist after I watched the first movie of Jurassic Park. I'd much rather unearth physical objects found rooted to the core of the planet than metaphorical meanings found in texts. I want to be able to explain causes! But I guess I'll leave that ambition to my next life.

So anyway, the reasons why I decided to move off from the Shelf of Treasures were the Reference Section sign, the occupied tables that were taken up by a lot of other seemingly enthusiastic library-goers and that my monthly period had decided to come to append to my already apathetic mood to look for reading materials. You'd think I'd leave right? No, I took myself to the general section and read this book on how so many black people were convicted of crimes they never committed because of racial discrimination in America and then I moved on to the fictional section where I picked out two novels and an urban dictionary and borrowed them.

So today, I did no favours for my major but no worries though, there is still tomorrow and so many more days to come. Have faith, I tell myself!

I can't wait for Alice in Wonderland to make its debut here next year. Tim Burton has really outdone himself this time and I'm really looking forward to it because the graphics look really impressive, not to mention the characters in it as well. Whichever movie Burton comes up with, it'll always be a yay in my book!

 I just hate it when I ask the simplest questions but end up getting retorts. I want honest answers but they're always so hard to come by and when I do answer honestly, some people think that I'm being unresponsive/rude/uninterested. I mean, if you've made the effort to ask something after rolling it through your head, isn't it more polite to answer the question in the most straightforward manner? Truth hurts buggers, you either take it or talk to a mirror.